It’s Not About Me

It’s Not About Me

A writing challenge poem where each line begins with the first letter of your first name, 20 lines, and it can’t be about you. I did what I could…

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Colors of fall have me thinking creatively

Creativity flows from inspiration hidden candidly

Candid in a way that shares just enough Curiosity

Curious enough to add a little mystery.

Can’t you see the tapestry cooling

Cooling off from the summers heat, fall almost looks as is it’s conspiring

Conspiracy to rest and make plans for the covering

Coverings from the blankets of snow that will warm the colors from the cold

Coldness that is a surfaced blanket above the warmth, what a beauty.

Chilled and then freezing that displays control

Control of the Artist that sets it all into motion like a circling carousel

Circling like a carousel in a gliding motion that almost gives a sense of certainty

Certainly the seasons will come and go but fall, fall is the prettiest of all.

Can you imagine what it would mean if all the beauty of the season ceased?

Ceased to exist and forever forced to live in a heat that was constant

Constantly wanting a different scene constantly longing for a change

Change to take place in an evening  of calling

Calling from season to season begging to be renewed.

Clutching my jacket as I embrace the change of this circle

Circling in motion as I rest for the day falling into sleep as I watch the leaves bed the day.

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Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

There are so many “coming of age” and “heart-break” stories around the world that I am hesitant to tell mine. I am no exception to what cruelty of what the world can bring, even though I use to think I was. Just like most other little girls I dreamed of prince charming and thought I was the “one in a million” that I could have any man I wanted and make him behave exactly the way I wanted him to, man was I wrong!

I was raised very strict, growing up on the church pew, where I was told just that; “you can have any man you want” things like “you are so beautiful, when you find that ‘good man’ he will give you everything you want”. I was grounded in my beliefs and given my core morals that I am thankful for but that tight grip caused me to venture out and try things that I “knew better” than to try, it eventually led to complete heartbreak and revealed things in life that I had only heard and times even warned of. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret it because I have a gorgeous little angel of my own as a result of one of those heart-breaks but if I could paint a picture of how dark life can get when you stray away from your beliefs, this is it…

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“Fallen Angel”

Fallen angel in the mirror, I see you reaching out but no one’s there.  What were you thinking of, coming down here? What happens when the light disappears? Was it as fun as you once had feared?

I know your smile hides the loneliness that grows but little angel the world is so cold. I know it once looked so warm safely above where curiosity is born.

But little girl dreams grow up and diamonds and rings they don’t mean so much.

Princes turn to knights who fight for your heart only to place a bid on the next prized art.

And blame always chooses sides when you’re searching for what’s wrong and for what’s right, leaving you with stones of what was once your heart, only good enough to lead you back to the start.

Fallen angel in the mirror that little girl has disappeared, should have warned her to be prepared, time’s a thief who doesn’t care.

Your wing is torn but don’t despair falling down can only mean a fallen angel can have a healed wing.

The heart unmasked that gave you life is the compass that can bring back the light.

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I do not own any rights to these photos, pictures are borrowed.

UNIQUE

UNIQUE

When I was younger I would often wonder why certain people stood out and others didn’t. I would wonder if I was going to a person that would be just a “space filler” or someone who would be remembered throughout history.

As I thought about the individuals who made their mark, I began to realize that they are the individuals that took a step outside of the norm, they are the one’s who didn’t care that others ridiculed and doubted them. If they did care they hid it by holding their heads high, swallowing their fear and pressing on until they changed what needed to be changed, said what needed to be said, and lived their lives the way they we’re called to live their lives.

As life went on, I forgot about that inspiration and allowed the fear of criticism and rejection to leave my songs and lyrics hanging out on my bedroom floor when the fear of rejection is nothing compared to some of the fears that our heroes in history faced. No one except those very close to me have ever seen my pages of rhyming words that show a little piece of who I am and how I think. That is until now, I have decided that I want to be a mark in history, I don’t want to be a space filler. The following lyrics are about just that, being unique.

Unique

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Standing in the middle of a worldly crowd, watching desperate people crying out

while picking up the pieces that can’t seem to be found

Where is the leader inside of us bound and when will it find the good to step out?

Forgive me as I start this rioting sound but…

~

I dance the beat of a different drum

I sing to the rhythm of my own song

I dream every day of what would become as I wait for the light and a new break of dawn

~

What would you do if you could just break out

And let the soul inside of you take its destined route

Would you dance, would you sing, would you leap and shout

What would you do if people didn’t look down?

What would you do if it was only allowed?

~

Would you dance to the beat of a different drum

Sing to the rhythm of your own song

Dream every day of what will become

While waiting for the light and a new break of dawn?

~

If everyone wondered what could be and no one found their ground to be free

By what light would we see, Just what would history mean?



What If Tonight

What If Tonight

This is a song I wrote in 2011. The idea for the song was about meeting the one you love in an outing. Whether that outing is spicing up your current relationship or meeting an old flame again after years with no communication, only to find that there is a flame still burning that suddenly sparked after what starts out as an innocent dance. I had just ended a relationship of eight years and had a conversation of “hypothetical situations”  that if things came back around and we reconnected… What if…

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I don’t know just what to say so I’ll write it down in a lyrical way.

The feelings in this song have always belonged, lost in the arms of the one holding my heart.

Now that I’m back around it’s bringing me out, while the fire that died is being revived, I slip away into temptations embrace.

What if you were mine and we had more than the dance floor tonight?

What if we didn’t hide behind the moments that could change our lives?

What if we embraced this time and turned it into an endless night?

What if I was yours, what if forever starts tonight?

The good, the bad, still the best I have had.

In the dark of the night, you pull me into you tight as the flashing lights make it easy to hide until your finger tips caress my hips.

Defined by the rise of unexpected surprise, fantasy says I’m yours tonight.. Not just for tonight.

What if you were mine and we had more than the dance floor tonight?

What if we didn’t hide behind the moments that could change our lives?

What if we embraced this time and turned it into an endless night?

I’m being swept away with thoughts of what if forever began tonight?

Dancing with you makes everything right, when your eyes dance into mine.

Reaching my soul with the touch of your lips, a kiss, your kiss.

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Why I Choose “Single”

Why I Choose “Single”

Being single is a choice and doesn’t necessarily mean being alone, at least that’s the case for me.

There are so many people who rush into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship which I am guilty of myself. But as a single Mom entering a new relationship means something a little different now; I have think about what being in a relationship means, without letting my mind go to places that result in utter panic of what could happen to my sweet innocent baby girl, but let’s face it if you are a single mom in the dating world, chances are your mind has gone to those unthinkable dark places as well.

Just a few things that scratch the surface are:

1: Will my daughter adapt to the mate I choose? Will my partner agree with my parenting style? What if everything goes great until one or the other decides it’s just too much to deal with? Then all that time, wasted! I also like the idea of having all of the say about what my daughter learns, who she is around, and how she is disciplined.

2: I like not having to answer to anyone about what I do, where I go, and what I make for dinner. After I work a long day and come home, sometimes I just want mac-n-cheese and my daughter couldn’t be happier with that decision. That’s not to say we don’t have a hot three side meal with dessert but I don’t want to do that every night.

3: My money is my money! That’s right, I do NOT have to share my earnings with anyone. I pay my bills, I buy all the necessities for my baby girl (and then some), then if I decide I want to blow money at the fair or on a pair of ridiculously cute and expensive shoes for myself or my daughter, I can.

That’s not to say I will never date or I don’t want to share my life with someone but in the end I have to weigh out the odds. I have to decide when I am willing to let someone come in and change our little world and right now, change is something I am just not ready for.

A Mother’s Words, A Father’s Pride

A Mother’s Words, A Father’s Pride

 

Three years ago, while I was yet living in IN, I had written down lyrics to help my parents celebrate their 46th anniversary. I had moved back to Ft. Wayne, IN to pursue a degree in performing arts only to become completely side-tracked by infatuation of a smooth talking, charming guy that would later give me my greatest blessing, my Daughter.

Shortly after the birth of my daughter I decided to move back to OK. I did not know then what a blessing that decision would be. I would only have a year with my Father before he passed on Aug. 29/2015, just two months before he and my mom would celebrate their 49th year of marriage.

The following are the lyrics that mean so much more and while they still bring tears, the tears feel a little different.

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I use to believe the moon followed me and yet somehow those beliefs became dreams, when a couple of teens who fell in love, who were told “no, you’re just too young” began to believe in their silent dreams that carried them through to what seemed like the ending to their decree but through the seeds of life you’ve shown what it means to hold on to a unity.

Every child creates a being when every parent creates a being, a human life of pure possibility setting out for a creative identity.

Because of you we are who we are!

The sacrifice you’ve given, Mama you taught me how to take a leap of faith without seeing the steps in front of me. You have taught me to trust in HIM and gave me my wings.

You planted the seeds to encourage my dreams, Dad the support for a family is the evidence of your love. The truth can sometimes hurt but will set you free is yet another lesson of love you have taught me.

Now every October I’m reminded how blessed a life I have that the one’s who sacrificed so much for me are celebrating a unity.

Because of you, were are who we are!

Seeing what you gave so that the moon still fallows me, lighting the way to my dreams is inspiration enough to believe in a traditional love, held together sacrifice and with a Mother’s words and a Father’s pride.

You’ve paved the way to who I am today, because you’ve shown me what it means to always return to the one who can love you for who you are. Now year after year I’m proud to say my parents love guided me along the way.

Because of you, we are who we are!

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Just Start Already

Just Start Already

Creativeness is both a curse and a blessing.

While a non-creative individual relies on facts and logic, a creative person can usually have ideas that seem to pop up out of no where and spill out onto paper, out of mouths, or onto hair.

Whether your canvass is a blank piece of paper or an actual canvass you understand the feelings of being stuck, being inspired to create and giving your all, just to experience the feelings of insecurities that keep you hiding those creations and sharing them with only yourself or if you’re really feeling secure you may share with those closest to you; only to watch their every facial expression awaiting for their approval or criticism.

Today, I have decided that it’s beyond time to stop being scared of what others may think of the most private parts of my being and share a little about who I am, so I have accepting a challenge by  called “Define Yourself as a Writer: the 2015 October Platform Challenge” in attempt to overcome fears and maybe discover a little more about me along the way.

Day 1:

Who am I?

Crystal Grace Gordon

Positions: hairstylist, Mother to a ornery sixteen month old baby girl, student and soon to be cosmetology instructor, member of a wonderful choir, and aspiring songwriter and author.

Skills: Creative writing (poetry and fiction), song writing and composing,  voice, acting, event organizing, cosmetology, and teaching.

Interests: Setting a Godly example for my daughter, music, writing, and hair.

Who I am: I am a creative writer, a single mother, and a lifetime learner.